On the edge? Teetering on the brink!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/daily-prompt-activity/

Daily Prompt: On the edge

We all have things as need to do to keep an even keel — blogging, exercising, reading, cooking. What’s yours?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us ACTIVITY.

For many years now, I have lived an unbalanced life.  Since the death of my beloved Mum, I have struggled with life in general.  Like so many people, I don’t think I really, truly appreciated her – and all she did for me – until it was too late.  The day she died I promised her I’d be okay, I’d get through life and she could be proud of me.

I very much doubt she’s proud of me at the moment. 

When she died, I’d already been on anti-depressants for a number of years.  My husband had left me when our son was just 19 months old and I had known that I was never cut out to be a lone parent.  Then followed the divorce and all the horrors that tends to bring.  I had tried to keep things amiable but it’s difficult when you can’t understand why things happen.  We had made a pact, to never get divorced if things went wrong.  But just two years after we married, it was all so wrong it had to end.  Things were difficult for a while but we tried for the sake of our son to stay civil.  Another two years passed and then he came to me, asking for that divorce, because he’d met someone at a funeral that he wanted to marry.  At the time, the woman was living with his brother.  What a mess!  I was disheartened that every single promise he made me had now been broken.  I granted him the divorce.  My son and I had moved house and begun building our own life amongst all the acrimonious goings on.  It hit me hard though I never admitted it to anyone.

I shunned men for many years while I was bringing up my son.  I didn’t want to be one of those women who had an endless supply of ‘uncles’ for my little lad.  So it was just him, me and Mum.  Then just him and me.

Four years ago I decided it was time to do something for me.  My son was 13 and old enough to cope with that.  I met a man who I instantly liked and felt that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.  It hasn’t happened.  Instead, I’ve had to deal with some of the worst treatment I’ve ever encountered, but some of the best too.  It’s all a mess.  Daily.

P1010411So what do I do to keep myself sane?  Well, mainly I spend my time on the computer or cross stitching.  The stitching has been my saviour for the past 24 years and I have made some gorgeous pieces of work which I have, mostly, given away.  Because it requires a lot of concentration, I can lose myself in it for hours.  Because each stitch is like a tiny kiss, I can love what I do because it loves me right back.

P1010551Sometimes I create my own designs, mostly I stitch from other designers.  I can make infinite numbers of patterns but I can’t draw so actual pictures are out of the question for me.  And that’s where I find another sense of frustration.  I see so much beautiful artwork around and think how lovely it would be to stitch it.  I see life in the numbers of the most popular ranges of thread colours.  Beside my son, the stitching is my life.  My sanity…

P1010571Or I sleep.

Or blog.

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11 thoughts on “On the edge? Teetering on the brink!

  1. Very moving and honest, Linbeth. I love your cross-stitching. So sorry to hear about the unhappiness and loss you have experienced. Alienora

  2. Don’t know where you got that particular pattern, but a yellow rose is the sign of friendship, and whenever I encounter one, I am reminded of God’s sincere friendship for me/us. I hope that’s what your roses mean, or shall.
    🙂

    • That pattern was originally in a UK cross stitch magazine but the roses were red. I changed them because I love yellow roses, although I had always been led to believe they stood for jealousy. No matter, I like them anyway and I like your suggestion of friendship better. Thank you for stopping by and commenting 🙂

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